Monday, November 9, 2009

Departing Alice


Departed is the love we used to share
That love was blinding
Never minding
The habits brought to bear

Consumed in you, my every day
Our carnal knowing
Ever showing
Our affections on display

We trade the glow for tolerance
Less love unending
Mere pretending
A tango-istic dance

Irritation is your very sigh
A sound like wheezing
Heart is freezing
Left wanting you to die

So raise a toast, to our precious love
The wine is malice
Dearest Alice
Depart for Heaven up above….


12 comments:

  1. Nice rhyming flow with the verse. We are sorrowed at the departing of Alice, a loved one.

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  2. I like the rhyme and flow of this piece. I am sure it is a fitting tribute to Alice. Thank you for your words.

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  3. a beautiful tribute to a lovely Alice...sad she would have to depart...:)

    beautifully written...:)

    care to drop by my site, too!

    good morning!!!

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  4. Humming along - and I hardly knew her. Nice layers.

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  5. Came back for some more of your stuff, music man. And whoa: the red wine’s deadly on black; the rhyming is grooving; and Alice is moving...on (think Petty’s delivery in Last Dance). Plus you’ve found another creative avenue which looks to rock. If only a day had a few more hours tacked onto it...
    Well, I hope our mutual admiration never gets old, for I’ve no desire to commune with Alice... Wait. What vintage is that Malice? If it’s velvety-dark and intense with a woodsy-plummy aroma, it might be worth it... Kidding ; ) I wouldn’t trade the MichaelO glow : )

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  6. Loch Rob - Glad you could go with the flow! Poor Alice, she was indeed loved.

    Write Girl - Thanks for coming by my words. Nice to meet you!

    Amity Me - Good morning, and good day, whenever you should be. Thanks for your comment!

    Tumblewords - To know her was divine! To live with her? Eh, another story.

    Miss A++ - Please tell me you'll keep coming back?! The Malice was all that, but don't let me tempt you!

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  7. We trade the glow for tolerance.

    So know that story. To know to go when the glow goes is the thing.

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  8. Excellent flow, man. I definitely missed something reading in FB without the proper formatting - glad I read it again here.

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  9. Oh you know I’ll be back. It’s too late to talk about tempting. Now you’d have to do something radically shitty to take the shine off the MichaelO glow ; )
    I love the A++. I’ll shoot for three pluses next time : )

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  10. Good morning, Miguel: There's more to this "tribute" than mere love and admiration. It's those stanzas after the trade-in for tolerance that give me pause, where the interest lies. The persona of the narrator (I ain't attributing this to you, amigo) is striking (perhaps the pun here is intended): Sister A echoes with "deadly": can't help thinking - complete with vintage malice - this is the killer's lament. Lament isn't even the right word: this narrator is enthusing.

    Down by the river
    I shot my baby
    Dead...


    Or: Deodato's take on Ravel's "Pavane for a Dead Princess."

    I may be way off, but the words keep me reading this Rubik's...

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  11. Sandy Carlson - "to know to go when the glow goes..." Nice! That would make a good bumper sticker.

    Larry - Yeah, I've wondered about the formatting on FB. I'd guess folks there aren't digging down into the Notes post. Glad you stopped by, bro.

    Miss A+++++ - I've got plusses to spare for you, Alicat. I'll try not to stink to the place up too bad. Stop in for the background music and check out some ambient guitar musings. I've been trying to get familiar witht the inner sanctum of my electronic gizmos.

    Paschal - I always feel there is no absolute truth in poetry. If it's good, there is always room for personal interpretation by the reader. It's what captures the imagination. I will agree with you the last stanzas are cold water on the face. Confessing mortal disgust for something so subtle as a sigh, by a soulmate no less, is pretty chilling. And there is some amount of celebration in that final toast. Trying to tell a story in five stanzas can be a challenge. There is more intimation than fact telling. The set-up for the fall is in the first stanza, "never minding the habits brought to bear". Happy to provoke your thoughts, o wise one!

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  12. familiarity breeds contempt? this was an interesting one. I read it through and then had to read it again. it seems as twisted and convoluted as most human relationships really are. I think you nailed something here - maybe Alice?

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